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Alright, let's talk about this Thanksgiving techpocalypse that didn't happen. Or maybe it... Alright, let's talk about this Thanksgiving techpocalypse that didn't happen. Or maybe it did? I don't know, I'm just seeing a Bloomberg subscription ad here. Great. Just great.
The Silent Screams of Un-Smart Devices
So, the premise is simple: Thanksgiving, right? Family's over, everyone's expecting some Norman Rockwell bullst, and your "smart" fridge decides it's a good time to brick itself. Or your fancy-pants oven starts speaking in tongues. Or, I don't know, your robot vacuum develops a sudden craving for grandma's dentures. The possibilities for tech-induced holiday horror are endless.
But I got nothing here. No reports of rogue Roombas, no tales of turkeys incinerated by AI ovens, nada. Just this dang Bloomberg paywall. Is this a sign? Are the tech overlords finally realizing the error of their ways? Nah, probably not. They're probably just figuring out how to make our toasters mine crypto.
And honestly, I'm sitting here wondering, what's worse? A tech meltdown on Thanksgiving, or the crushing realization that you're stuck with your relatives for eight hours straight? It's a toss-up, really. Both involve a certain level of existential dread.
When "Smart" Just Means "More to Break"
Let's be real: half this "smart" home stuff is just a solution looking for a problem. Do I really need a fridge that can tweet? No. No, I don't. I need a fridge that keeps my beer cold and doesn't judge my questionable dietary choices. Is that too much to ask? And don't even get me started on the security vulnerabilities. Every "smart" device is just another open door for hackers. They expect us to believe this nonsense, and honestly...
It's like these companies are actively trying to make our lives more complicated. Remember when things were simple? When your oven just, you know, baked things? Now you need a PhD in computer science to preheat the damn thing. And if it breaks, good luck getting it fixed. Everything's proprietary, everything's locked down. You can't even change a lightbulb without voiding the warranty.
I'm telling you, the Amish are laughing at us. They're probably sitting around their wood-burning stoves, sipping homemade cider, and thinking, "Those poor suckers and their 'smart' homes." And you know what? They're right.
Maybe We're All Just Doomed
Look, I'm not saying technology is inherently evil. But I am saying that we need to be a little more critical about the stuff we're bringing into our homes. Just because something can be connected to the internet doesn't mean it should be. And maybe, just maybe, we should spend less time staring at our screens and more time, you know, talking to the people we're supposed to be thankful for.
Then again, maybe I'm the crazy one here. Maybe I'm just a grumpy old man yelling at clouds. But I'll tell you what: I'd rather spend Thanksgiving wrestling with a rusty can opener than troubleshooting a "smart" blender that's decided to hold my smoothie hostage. Give me analog over algorithm any day of the week offcourse.